Daily Independent Online.
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Monday, June 14, 2004.
A cynic’s view of the ibb and obj
connection
By Michael John
It is a popular part of the world’s
common wisdom that failure is an orphan. Have you ever heard anyone say he
loves his uncle who is a failure or a drunk? I bet, man, you haven’t. But
lately, in spite of the fact that the Olusegun Obasanjo presidency has become
the most embarrassing thing to happen in Nigeria and to Nigerians after the
nightmare known as the Sanni Abacha despotism, Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida (aka
the evil genius) has been beating his chest and sounding off about being the
man who rediscovered Chief Obasanjo. This celebration of failure and his
inordinate ambition to identify with the mishap is what has always made the
Babangida mystique so intriguing and irritating. But then remember that this is
a master strategist and you would conclude that he is making deft moves with
hidden intentions in the country’s political chessboard. Or to use a
phrase you are familiar with, he has a hidden agenda.
Of course Babangida has always manifested
sado-masochistic traits in his politics. When the nation voted overwhelmingly
for the late Chief Moshood Abiola in the June 12, 1993 Presidential Elections,
and wanted him to assume the rein of governance, Babangida sadistically
annulled the election on the excuse that he needed to protect the judiciary. Of
course, the widely acclaimed winner of that election, Chief Abiola, derided the
excuse with the assertion that “you do not kill the baby simply because
the midwife is a bad woman”.
When every body persuaded him to leave office on the date he
swore by fire and brimstone that he would leave office (August 27, 1993) he
stepped up to the microphone on the said date and said he was “stepping
aside as a personal sacrifice.” It was a personal sacrifice, as you know,
because by some divine revelation he had come to discover that he was the
expected messiah and should rule Nigeria forever and ever, Amen. How be it, so
that we, ignorant as we are, would not lose completely, he decided to step
aside and let some pretenders inhabit Aso Rock (his birthright) for sometime,
while he prepared for his second coming to reign over us forever.
While you cannot fault the fact that he
actually drafted Obasanjo into politics, you may wish to wonder why he has
failed to mention in his many press chats that he has so far been instrumental
to the making of two heads of state. He left the vampire Sani Abacha behind
knowing full well the man’s capacity for evil and sat back and watched
the real-time horror movie with sado-masochistic relish. Up till now he has not
condemned any action of the man, and understandably because the man was his
protégé. His only regret is that Abacha did not know that
tea-poisoning was a better and less messy way of eliminating opponents than
pumping an old man or old woman full of lead and thereby disrupting traffic on
the highway.
Come to think of it, if Babangida wanted to
step forward again and lay claim to the presidency, why did he not do it during
Sani Abacha’s lifetime? What ever happened to his famed courage and
fearless disposition? Was Frankenstein afraid of his monster? And when the
civil rights, pro-democracy and journalism groups fought the evil dictatorship
and counted quantum of martyrs, where was IBB? When Alfred Rewane, Kudirat Abiola,
Kaltho and a host of others were mercilessly murdered, where was IBB? Where was
the so-called war hero and fearless general when, at great risk, Mallam
Mohammed Dikko Yusuf defied Sani Abacha’s contrived consensus
presidential candidacy and kept running for the office? I know where he was -
hiding somewhere in Minna and praying that Allah should protect him from the
Abacha arrows that flew by day and the Al-Mustapha pestilence that walked in
darkness.
When Abacha was alive IBB was only seen not
heard. He was dogged by a pathological fear of his friend, Abacha, and haunted
by legions of inner demons deceit and mischief. But immediately Abacha died and
General Abdulsalami Abubakar and company, in a commendable display of
patriotism, buried him so as not to risk his coming back to live, IBB hit the
road with his normal swagger and gab-toothed smile. He headed for Otta Farm and
met a just released prisoner who was in serious need of employment. His farm
was in a terrible state of disrepair due to his incarceration and he was out of
sync with reality. Several years back the same man had scoffed at Musa
Yar’Adua’s (his second-in-command when he was Head of State)
incursion into politics with the acerbic words “Did he forget something
in Government House?” But here he was with no job and no one willing or
ready to employ him because of his notorious stubbornness. He had tried the
United Nations but he was politely turned down because they liked neither his
looks nor his manners. Any job was therefore worth a trial.
Babangida told him of a job with a good
pension plan which would also afford him the opportunity to get even with
Nigerians for his incarceration. Obasanjo thought about it and suddenly
remembered something he forgot in Government House - he did not raise
fuel price (per litre) to be at par with the cost of a fowl in his farm. His
sense of mathematics took over and he did a little calculation - if a
litre of fuel and a fowl in my farm cost the same then a fowl in my farm would
be the opportunity cost for a litre of fuel. “That being the case instead of buying fuel people
would buy my chickens and I would become the biggest and richest chicken farmer
in the history of the world.” He smiled and nodded accent.
IBB went home a happy man. He wanted a man whose
presidency would be so terrible that his (IBB’s) second coming would be
welcomed by the country. He needed a southerner the north can use against the
south, a Christian who can turn against Christians - a man he was sure
would not be able to outshine him. In fact a man exactly like Abacha but
without the pathological craves for senseless state-sponsored assassinations.
He wanted a deaf, dumb and unthinking man totally lacking in finesse and
character - the worst administrator in the country. That way when he
would launch his charge for his second coming people would remember his finesse
and gentlemanly comportment and sing “Happy days are here again!”
Thanks to Allah that Obasanjo has acted
just as he hoped he would. There he went yelping that a clergyman was a total
idiot whereas as military president he (IBB) suffered worse insults from the
civil rights community and never called any of them an idiot. Instead one after
the other he settled them - Prof. Wole Soyinka, the late Dr Tai Solarin,
Dr Beko Ransome-Kuti and a host of others were given political appointments and
life went on. He still muses over the time the late Tai Solarin led a
demonstration over an allegation that Ebony Magazine published that he (IBB)
was the richest man in the world whereas nothing like that was published. Yet
he did not call the aged man an idiot though he actually believed so in his
heart.
To borrow the words that Obasanjo used to
describe the Alhaji Shehu Shagari presidency, this administration is an
“unmitigated disaster.” But that is precisely why Babangida is
taking credit for drafting him into politics. He invited a friend to come and
do a job and the friend has messed it up, so he is now stepping up and owning
up for his friend’s many mistakes and offering to have the job properly
done, as a personal sacrifice.
Right now IBB is acting Act One, Scene One
of his presidential campaign. Own up to drafting the failure into politics -
after all if you fail to do this your political opponents would bring it
up. Drum up reasons why you went
for him and couch them in patriotic tones - he believes in one Nigeria,
he cannot be intimidated by
the press or anybody, he only acts according to the dictates of his conscience.
A very touching story but it does not sound like the truth.
If Obasanjo was so self-willed, why did he
bow to pressure from the evil genius to come and rule this country when he had
no plan or vision for the country? To give the devil his fangs, Abacha at least
had a vision (because even though he was a kleptomaniac, he desperately wanted
to rule this country) and he called it Vision 2010. If Obasanjo has a vision at
all it should be summed up in the words Vision Perpetual Fuel Price Increase or
Vision Chicken and Fuel Price Parity. And if he can not be intimidated by any
one why did he rush through the declaration of a State of Emergency in Plateau
State just in time to meet the ultimatum issued by a fringe relatively unknown
Muslim cleric? Why did he not wait until the expiration of the ultimatum to
declare the state of emergency? But then such reasons by IBB could suffice
because Nigerians suffer from collective political amnesia - if it
happened yesterday it would be forgotten today, yesterday’s villains are
today’s heroes.
We can conjecture some promo of Act One
Scene Two - he will begin to criticize some aspects of Obasanjo’s
administrative style, and show why he could do better than Atiku Abubakar,
Obasanjo’s deputy, and why the nation should not touch any person who
walked that close to Obasanjo. He is already playing to the popular mood by
supporting the convocation of a sovereign national conference and thereby
striking a rapport with the civil rights groups.
Watch out for the rest of the thriller this coming season!
No need for me to spoil the effect of the suspense for a gentleman and an
officer. Carry on officer, old soldiers never die they just fade away.
