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Feminists: Men haters or frustrated singles?
By Olubunmi Dipo-Salami
IHAVE always been amazed at the level of ignorance and misconceptions about the ideology known as 'feminism'. A large number of Nigerians, men and women, young and old, educated or not, informal and formal sector workers, development 'experts', human rights activists and other civil society members have given labels to women and men who through their actions and pronouncements have identified themselves as feminists.
It has been said that feminism as an ideology is imposed by the global North or copied by women in the global south. This is not true. The history of women's struggles shows that some women at different times have always refused to be second-class citizens and have always achieved success. Historical documents reveal that struggles by women in the global south has a long history. Since the 7th Century, they have used different strategies to challenge their oppression and have rejected different forms of discrimination in both private and public spheres. Examples of such struggles in Nigeria include the Aba women's uprising, Igbo women's strategy of 'sitting' on erring husbands, among others.
Most Nigerians - men and women alike, who have no clue about what feminism is all about, go about defining what they do not know. Their various interpretations of feminism are always very far from the truth. They label feminists as men haters, frustrated singles, home wrecker, and power wrestlers, among others. There are times you come across feminists who are quick to deny vehemently that they are. This is simply because of the labels listed above. For example, there was a meeting on religion and the rights of women organised by BAOBAB sometime ago. One of the participants, a pastor of one of the pentecostal churches, claimed she was not a feminist.
However, in the discussion on how participants were working towards improving the lot of women, it turned out that she was even doing more than some others by trying to improve the self-esteem and self-worth of young female members of her congregation! Some others run away from being labeled feminists or copy-cats of women in the global North and end up mangling the theoretical import of feminism by claiming to be womanists, African feminists, motherists and all whatnots.
As an all-encompassing ideology, feminism is rooted in the awareness of discrimination against women on the basis of the fact of biology. This discrimination in turn has led to the subordination of women in all spheres and has also resulted in the inequality of the sexes. Feminism provides an insight into the lives of women and shows the diversity strands " liberal, radical, Marxist, Socialist, post-modernist. This is due to the fact that although they have a common vision, which is the improved capabilities and quality of life for women, feminists have different strategies and areas of focus, which when put together make a whole. Thus, a feminist is a women's advocate. She loves women, want the best for them and lives to see that women are able to actualise their potential. A feminist believes in women and what they can do. A feminist respects women and knows that they are neither inferior beings nor second-class citizens. A feminist advances the human rights of women and analyses how the laws and policies of a particular country affect them. Whoever strives to ensure that women have equal access to opportunities and resources as their male counterparts is a feminist.
The hullabaloo about feminist is simply because it has to do with the well-being of women. As usual, men will go to any length to prevent them from living as human beings who have dignity and the right to function as full citizens, and to ensure that they only exist to serve men. It is sad to note that even some members of the human rights movement in Nigeria do not believe in the human rights of women. They are socialists, Marxists, Democrats, and so on but when women are mentioned, these activists remember that they are Nigerians and they have to respect culture and tradition and begin to harp on cultural relativism of human rights. I believe Karl Marx was a Nigerian. And where did socialism originate?
I remember a discussion I had about a year ago with one placard-carrying human rights activists. He was disappointed that some female activists do not bear their husbands' name or only add it on to their father's name. Much as I tried to make him realise that some Nigerian cultures as well as Islam do not make it compulsory for a woman to drop her fathers' family name after their marriage, and that the practice of women becoming Mrs....(husband's family name) actually came with colonialism, he still went on and on about how Nigerian feminists take things 'too far'. Could somebody please tell me, how far is far enough for anybody to want to live as a human being and not exist as an appendage?
It never ceases to amuse me whenever Nigerians come up with arguments/excuses, which justify women's low participation in decision-making in both the private and public spheres. Despite the fact that the few women appointed into position of leadership by the Nigerian government such as Kema Chikwe, Aisha Ismail, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Dora Akunyili have excelled, unlike most of their male colleagues, you still hear men cataloguing all the negative stereotypes associated with being a woman to degrade and belittle their achievements. When analysing the performances of these women, you hear some Nigerians attacking their persons, whereas they evaluate the strategies of men.
I honestly understand why most Nigerians (men in particular) have an aversion for feminism and by implication feminists. For most men, power is a zero-sum game. This means it is either you have it or you don't and the moment a woman has power over herself and is accorded respect, then it means that all men have lost out in the power game. This in essence seems to show the level of self-esteem possessed by the average Nigerian man " it is abysmally low.
Some people have asked me " are you a feminist? Of course, I am, body and soul, theory and practice. I believe in women, invest in them and carry the torch of equality and gender justice. So, do I hate men? No, I don't. majority of my friends are men who like and respect me as a human being, for putting my brains into good use and because I respect them too. They do not feel threatened when I relate with them intelligently. I must be a frustrated single then! That is not true. I can assure you that I have never been frustrated in my life and will never be because I have a positive attitude towards life. I am married to a fantastic man who loves, appreciates, respects and believes in me. He nudges me to reach for gender heights and he is not intimidated by my progress.
So, now that we know that feminists are not monsters (I hope you are convinced) who want to destroy our society, let us all support them to ensure that women who constitute about fifty per cent of the population participate actively in the life of society. This will guarantee that the number three on the list of Millennium Development Goals (MDGs), which is geared towards the promotion of gender equality and the empowerment of women is achieved even before 2015. The realisation of this will contribute greatly to the actualisation of all the other Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) as studies have shown that gender equality is closely connected to the other MDGs namely to eradicate extreme poverty and hunger, achieve universal primary education; reduce child mortality; improve maternal health, combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases; ensure environmental sustainability; and develop a global partnership for development.
Let us all open our eyes and our minds so that we are able to see the big picture " equality, development and peace.
- Dipo-Salami is with BAOBAB for Women's Human Rights in Lagos.
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