Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ........ whether you're here or not."
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(OUCH......HE ASKED FOR IT!) ******************************
Marriage Lesson (Part III) DR NO
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either, and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(HUN-HUN, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!) ******************************************
Marriage Lesson (Part IV) READY FOR D.N.A.?
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(HE SHOULD DO THE SUM......RIGHT ON, LADY!) **************************************
************************************************
Marriage Lesson (Part V) THE MAN OF THE HOSUE
The husband had just finished reading the book "Man of the House." He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "from now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert. Then you're going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'
His wife replied, "the funeral director?"
___________________ This war of attrition on the Igbo must end now! Posts: 441 | From: california, US | Registered: Jan 2003
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A husband was watching the ball game one afternoon when his wife says, "Honey, can you mow the lawn today," to which the husband replied, "Do I look like a lawn boy to you? I'm busy. Leave me alone."
A few minutes later the wife says, "honey, the kitchen faucet leaks, can you fix it?" The husband replies, " Do I look like a plumber to you. I'm watching the game so don't bother me."
Five minutes later the wifes says, "honey the light in the bathroom is out, can you change it? The husband, now angry, says, "do I look like an electrician to you? You know what, you're really bothering me. I going down to the local bar and watch this game in peace, at which point he stormed ou of the house. When he returned, he noticed that the lawn had been cut and edged very beautifully. He entered his home and went for a drink of water and noticed the faucet leak had been fixed. He then went to use the restroom and found that the light had been replaced.
When he enter the bedroom he found his wife completely naked, perspiring, and trying to catch her breath, to which the husband said,"honey, you shouldn't have worked so hard mowing the lawn, fixing the leak, and changing the light, and where did you learn how to do all that stuff? The wife replied, "I didn't. A nice young man came by while you were gone and offered to do it all for me if I would do one of two things, either have two hours of sex with him, or bake him a cake?" The husband paused, then asked,"well, what kind of cake did you bake? to which the wife replied, "do I look like Betty Crocker to you?"
___________________ The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves... Posts: 775 | From: Valle del Sol, AZ | Registered: Nov 2004
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